Now when I spoke to her she was bright and articulate, so there was no problem in her comprehension. It turns out she was feeling neglected and wanted attention. We can often see this when we work with certain NLP techniques, a good example being sensory acuity. Someone might tell you they are feeling fine, but you can see that they are not.
The behaviour is the thing to take note of. We all create internal representations of the world around us. Collectively these form a map by which we understand ourselves, and how we navigate our way through the experience of our lives as we meet them.
But these representations are also interpretations, filtered by our beliefs, memories, values and experiences. As they are interpretations, they, in fact, may or may not be accurate. Or to put it another way; The map is not the territory. Having choices available to us expands on, and changes, how we choose to interpret each experience. This frees us to explore different points of view thus expanding our map of reality. Or to look at it the other way it would not be great to work with someone so that they felt less whole.
This would reduce their choices and therefore affect their results. It may even set up inner conflicts or friction if what we help them do causes imbalance. More balance, more options, better results. Every result gives you feedback, maybe information about how to do something differently next time.
Feedback is helpful and sets direction. Results are the means by which you measure your progress and adjust your behaviour in order to achieve your desired outcomes. Every experience offers a positive learning, one from which we can grow intellectually or in terms of emotional intelligence. Now it may have taken him attempts but to paraphrase his words, each attempt was a lesson in how not to do it, which led him to the answer.
Which is more important: What you intend to communicate, or what you actually did communicate? We need to make sure to actively listen.
Has the person you are talking to communicated back in some way that they have got the message? If so then great. This comes from systems theory. It means the person with the most options and behavioural choices will control the system. Any time you limit your behavioural choices you give others the competitive edge.
If we work with someone and their choices are reduced we are giving them less options for success. NLP perceptual positions is a great tool for increasing choice for a person. So how do you think about the presuppositions? Did they all just seem to make sense, or were there some where you though to yourself that they sounded a bit odd or challenging?
I wonder if the same will happen to you? We explore the presuppositions further by applying the thinking behind them to the skills and techniques we learn on the courses. Our blog page has many more articles for you to read. If you'd like to find out more about our courses where you can learn more head over to our courses page. Your Name. Your Email Address. This presupposition aims to inform the NLP practitioner that people are perfect, though the way we think people should work is subject to frequent and often drastic revisions.
Some of the better NLP practitioners make this a core part of their inquiries into presenting problems of their clients. In other words, when there is a personal or interpersonal conflict, asking what is the positive intention of this part of yourself, or of the disagreeing parties often leads to the discovery of common ground.
This presupposition is wholistic in its aim. Remember that the conscious mind is only capable of holding 5 - 7 bits of information at once, thinks linearly, and suffers from attention deficits during large portions of the day. The unconscious mind is capable of managing all the other details of staying alive, navigating the terrain, regulating and communicating with the body, thinks in patterns and symbols, and is active all the time.
Both the conscious and unconscious aspects are part of the same mind, and support and accelerate personal breakthroughs when aligned. This presupposition empowers the NLP practitioner to consider all communication as a two-way street. If you say X, your client hears Y, and understands Z, you are then empowered to clarify your meaning and try to say it a different way. In our experience, we have access to memories of times we did or said something right, or memories of times when others did or said something right, or we might have even read or seen fictional characters doing or saying something right.
If we can't tap into these memories, then at least we can tap into our imaginative capabilities to create patterns of doing or saying something right. The role of the NLP practitioner is to act as the tour guide while the client accesses these resources within themselves. In NLP, we strive for wholeness, and in treating the person, we pay attention to what is going on in the mind, as well as physiologically.
We know that the mind influences the body, and the body influences the mind constantly. Indeed they are inseparable, and the seasoned NLP practitioner knows this. Unlike a computer, which stores, indexes and retrieves information digitally, our minds store information in chunks we call submodalities in NLP.
Sensations enter the mind through the senses as images, sounds, words, feelings, smells and tastes, and then our mind goes to work to link these to emotions and meaning. Many animals, including primates and especially humans except severely autistic individuals are endowed with a great deal of mirror neurons in the brain, whose main function is to allow an observer to mirror the behavior of another in real time.
This mirroring is felt in the body. This is why it is possible for athletes such as Michael Jordan and Diego Maradona to elevate their respective sports through their performances, because the other athletes "get it" when they see it.
In NLP, we believe that excellence in any human endeavor can be analyzed in terms of neurological experience, and then taught successfully to others. NLP is not so much theoretical as practical. It is easier for an NLP practitioner to induce trance in others, if they can go willfully into trance themselves. While, it may not seem like that specific behaviour is not motivated by a positive intent especially if you're on the recieving end of it , perhaps it gives that person some positive feelings about themselves.
People are more thatn their behaviours, the behaviour they use is based on the resources they have at that specific time taking into account their own history and culture. It's important to be gentle with oneself and give the same respect and forgiveness that you would to others You may ask your self "I accept that they were doing what they believed would be best at that time.
What do they need from me? What do I need from them? The most important information about a person is that person's behaviour. What re-occuring patterns do we notice, is this behaviour evident in many other relationships or areas of their life. Instead of just listening to the clients words, a practitioner will take notice of the pattern of behaviours too, as this provides us more information about that person and their challenges.
The words are NOT the event or the item they represent. We don't always express ourselves effectively, if we are angry with someone as they are not meeting our needs, it may come through in many different ways. Screaming down the telephone at a helpdesk person, may be a reflection of the frustration we feel that we are not getting what we want in our personal relationship. The words we use What could it be about?
What is their intention? I am also in charge of my mind and therefore my results. This presupposition is about responsibility and accountability. It's easy to blame others "he made me angry" or "they made me do it" when infact it's important to acknowledge instead that "I allowed him to make me feel angry" and "I choose to do as they asked".
We are Great at Blame, passing the buck and having great reasons How can I take more responsibility for this behaviour? What can I do? There are no un-resourceful people, only un-resourceful states. More than often the solutions to our challenges lie within us, it's just a matter of being in the right frame of mind to tap into our own experiences and knowledge. If we do not know how to do something or we are unsure of the best actions to take, we do indeed have a load of resources at our fingertips, or the ability to find out what we want with the incredible amount of technology and of course the knowledge and experience of friends, family, professionals in the industry and work colleagues.
I know I have the ability to do something about this, I know someone who can assist me. Who could I contact or seek assistance from?
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